Life is more than our romantic relationships (2024)

I’ve always embodied the “strong, independent woman” vibe throughout my adolescence. But I’ll be lying if I tell you that there weren’t nights where I cry over Sufjan Stevens and Keaton Henson songs when I go to sleep. I’m no stranger to unrequited love and failed attempts on romance.

Though here’s the thing, regardless of failed paramours and long list of “what could have beens,” I never thought of love as a domineering factor of my identity. I’m different from when I was single and now that I’m in a healthy relationship. Will I say that my self-worth depended on being taken? Never.

Pop culture romance often teaches us that there is loneliness in being single and self-actualization will commence when we find “the one.”

This contradicts what pop culture teaches us. In local hugot films and too many pop songs in existence, it preaches us a toxic idea of love. Pop culture romance often teaches us that there is loneliness in being single and self-actualization will commence when we find “the one.”

I quote the great country drag singer Trixie Mattel: “Girl, what the fuck?”

Our nation’s hugot culture is enough of a proof for this phenomenon. God, I hate this culture with the core of my being. I am bitter over the concept of “single bitterness” that hugot jokes and hugot films bring. That Thing Called Tadhana was pretty good and tolerable. The slew of the films that came after though, talk about forced hugot lines and toxic martyrdom (looking at you, 100 Tula Para kay Stella).

Read more: How did we associate pink with an entire gender?

And of course, how can I forget pop music’s love affair with romance? Deana Weinstein, a sociology professor at DePaul University, wrote this in her book Heavy Metal: “Most pop and popular rock songs have been focused on sex and romance.” This gave us timeless love songs like maybe singles from The Beatles’ early works to John Legend’s entire discography.

But let’s be frank, not all pop songs promote a healthy concept of romance.

Before Bruno Mars became the funky/R&B star we love, there was “Grenade,” the track every martyr lover plays. How about “Bleeding Love” for instance? I have to admit, it was weird seeing my sixth grade classmates belt this out when they were rejected by their crushes. And let’s not forget most of Taylor Swift’s singles.

And as far as pop tracks go, songs about female empowerment and knowing one’s self-worth are dominating the airwaves.

This myth that a relationship will complete a person’s existence is harmful. A lot of young women often fall into this warped thinking. This belief puts us to danger by making us feel that we are lesser beings not unless we shack up with someone. I admit that when I was way younger, I thought of it as the norm. It’s what I saw represented on the TV or radio. These days, that’s no longer the case.

Feminism is taking huge strides in pop culture. It urges women to learn the power of saying no. Representation and political correctness are values that media platforms try to embrace. We’re seeing actors we fawn over defending themselves in the face of sexual harassment. And as far as pop tracks go, songs about female empowerment and knowing one’s self-worth are dominating the airwaves.

Personally, the top charts aren’t my religion, but I’m never a snob when it comes to music. My philosophy is that a good song is a good song regardless of the genre. That’s what I felt when I saw everyone loving and raving over the two tracks released this week. I’m talking aboutCarly Rae Jepsen’s “Party for One” and Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next.”

Ariana and Carly are not pioneers on singing about loving ourselves, but this doesn’t downgrade the importance of their latest singles. If anything, these tracks are exactly what everyone needs right now, especially young women.

“Party for One” tells us that we’re allowed to feel alone and destitute for a while, but we need to bounce back after.

Listening to both tracks led me to believe more in how society sees self-worth in romance. “Party for One” gave me this knee-jerk reaction. The infectious single talks about self-love literally and figuratively. The track’s chorus goes as such: “If you don’t care about me/I’ll just dance for myself.” And it’s like no big deal. Don’t love me back? That’s fine, I’ll just do me then.

It didn’t shit on the idea that a person is not allowed to lament if things didn’t work out. “Party for One” tells us that we’re allowed to feel alone and destitute for a while, but we need to bounce back after. We need to take care of ourselves and not grow bitter over a failed romance. At the end, we still have ourselves. That’s not such a bad idea, to be honest.

As for Ariana Grande’s “thank u, next,” I thought of it as a huge game changer. I’ve known Ariana for combating misogyny in press interviews and for singing tracks about owning her sexuality. Her relationships are wildly speculated by the public. Oh god, her relationship withPete Davidson even brought us the term “BDE.”

Ariana’s single teaches us that we are not our relationships. Not everything works out and that’s okay.

But now that she ended her engagement with the problematic SNL comedian, the media has their eye on her like how she was blamed for Mac Miller’s death. All of these signs point to a “diss track” a la T. Swift, right? Wrong answer.

I never heard a pop track about breakups that showed maturity over the singer’s exes. No vendettas and no “Blank Space” type of vengeance. Just a clear acknowledgement that some relationships don’t work out. And that’s the important message for me: It’s fine if they don’t.

Ariana’s single teaches us that we are not our relationships. Not everything works out and that’s okay. We can continue growing as people ‘till the next one may or may not arrive. Thank you, next.

And if this trend in pop music is any indication, it’s a comfort to hear anthems on the radio that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Looking back, these tracks made me feel jealous toward the young people hearing it now. Young people like me often fall into that trap every now and then. But tracks like these teach us that love is not limited through relationships alone.

Romantic relationships come and go. The “one” might arrive someday. Hell, maybe you’re not looking for “the one,” but feel like you have to conform to society’s ideals. What is pop culture if it’s not the truest definition of life imitates art? That’s why we need role models and proper representation in media to unlearn harmful ideals such as relationships completing us.

They’re telling everyone that alone doesn’t equate to lonely. It means either romance is not for you or your definition of love is different. And if this trend in pop music is any indication, it’s a comfort to hear anthems on the radio that there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Art by Renz Mart Reyes

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Life is more than our romantic relationships (2024)

FAQs

Is there more to life than romantic love? ›

There's so much more to life than finding someone who will want you, or being sad over someone who doesn't. There's a lot of wonderful time to be spent discovering yourself without hoping someone will fall in love with you along the way, and it doesn't need to be painful or empty.

How important are romantic relationships in life? ›

Being in a committed relationship is linked to less production of cortisol, a stress hormone. This suggests that paired people are less responsive to psychological stress, and that the social and emotional support that comes with having a partner can be a great buffer against stress.

Why is life important than love? ›

As you can't have love without being alive in the first place, that make life more important than anything in the world. The love of God is the kind of love which doesn't expect to be loved. Love come and go—it's not permanent nor is it guaranteed to you only.

What is the most valuable relationship in your life? ›

While relationships with family and friends can bring happiness and joy to life, the most significant relationship that can enhance all other experiences is the one you have with yourself. By consistently working on this beautiful relationship, you can improve your self-care, self-love, and overall well-being.

What is the highest form of true love? ›

There are three types of love ranging from Eros and Phileo, but the highest form of love is Agape. Desire to help someone be the best that they can be.

Can you live a life without romantic love? ›

Of course you can. If you're dependent on romantic love for a "full" life you're essentially saying it you're not a complete person without having a sexual partner around, and that nothing else in your life, and no other people, really matter.

What is the most important thing in a romantic relationship? ›

1. Communication. One hallmark of a healthy relationship is the ability for partners to communicate openly with each other about how they're feeling. This can also be an important step in building empathy and compassion for one another.

Who should be more romantic in a relationship? ›

Both parties can be romantic; it all depends on the circumstances and personalities involved. While a woman may not want to openly express her feelings, a man may be quick to do so. It's a question of who is more given to expressing affection physically.

What is the value of love in life? ›

Love is a catalyst for change, development and achievement. Love is seeing each one more beautiful than the next. Real Love ensures kindness, caring and understanding, and removes jealous and controlling behaviours.

Do we really need love in our life? ›

In fact, the need for love is considered to be one of our most basic needs. According to psychoanalysts like John Bowlby and Abraham Maslow, being loved is as essential as food, water, and shelter. Once your physical and safety needs are fulfilled, love and belonging are next in line.

Can a man love you and not give you money? ›

Yes. If you're living in the woods in a small house and grow your own veg and have a secluded life with your man then he's not gonna spend money on you but it doesn't make him not love you. It's just a lifestyle choice you both made. a mans love language is care and affection usually.

Does love really matter in life? ›

Research within positive psychology has highlighted the correlation between love and happiness, with individuals in loving relationships reporting higher life satisfaction (Hendrick & Hendrick., 2017).

Why are relationships the most important thing in life? ›

The Benefits of Human Connection

It found that the quality of the connections subjects had with others over the course of their lives was correlated with both increased happiness and increased longevity—suggesting that relationships impact not only our emotional, but our physical health.

What are the four types of relationships in life? ›

An interpersonal relationship refers to the association, connection, interaction and bond between two or more people. There are many different types of relationships. This section focuses on four types of relationships: Family relationships, Friendships, Acquaintanceships and Romantic relationships.

What is the highest value in a relationship? ›

Trust. When you trust your partner, you feel safe with them, knowing they'll respect your feelings and look out for your best interests. Trust in relationships is built through consistent actions, honesty, and reliability. It allows partners to feel secure, be vulnerable, knowing they're in a supportive environment.

What is the most extreme form of love? ›

Mania (obsessive love) “Mania can be a a jealous and obsessive kind of love,” says Mackenzie. “It often involves feelings of codependency, or the feeling that another person will heal and complete you.”

Is romantic love the highest form of love? ›

No, a friendship and/or familial bond can be just as strong if not stronger than a romantic relationship. Just because the love is different doesn't mean it's “weaker”.

Is romantic love the most powerful? ›

Powerful love might not only refer to romantic love. Your love for others in your life could also be considered powerful and life-changing. For some, self-love might be the most powerful form of love, as many struggle to achieve it.

What is the highest form love? ›

agape, in the New Testament, the fatherly love of God for humans, as well as the human reciprocal love for God. In Scripture, the transcendent agape love is the highest form of love and is contrasted with eros, or erotic love, and philia, or brotherly love.

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